Who I'm voting for
This headline will, in no way, deliver on its promise.
My first political opinion is unoriginal: the current state of the whole thing is a bummer.
Many moons ago, I wrote extensively about politics. Today, that couldn’t sound less appealing. And that is, at the end of the day, discouraging.
My second political opinion is equally unoriginal but perhaps more important: personal relationships are more important than political opinions. The idea that both politics and religion are things we “shouldn’t talk about at the dinner table” is silly.
It should be possible to talk about both of those things, even from completely different viewpoints, and maintain a healthy relationship with the other person.
Ok, I’m done. Now the serious part.
I have determined a lists of priority items that, were any politician to promise me any of these things, would lead me to immediately head to the voting both with glee.
They are thus:
Trailers for horror movies will no longer be on cable television or streaming services unless you’ve opted in to view them.
Fun size candy bars will be larger than regular size candy bars.
Velcro shoes will be widely accepted as appropriate footwear for all ages.
Free sunscreen dispensers (similar to hand sanitizer ones) will be available in public parks and golf courses.
The number one ecological/environmental priority for all our greatest scientific minds will be to rid the nation of mosquitos. Whatever the cost.
Passing gas under the blankets while sharing a bed with someone else will be elevated to a felony offense.
Every new homeowner will receive a tree with the purchase of their house to plant wherever they see fit.
Decrease the drinking age to 18 (for real though).
Increase the age required to view R-rated movies to 18 (I’m just saying all the things should happen at 18).
Eliminate all “tow away zones” and use parking boots instead. Tow trucks will only be used for car accidents and mechanical emergencies, not as law enforcement.
More vending machines (I don’t want to get too specific here but it bothers me that we use vending machines almost exclusively for snacks and sodas instead of, for example, things like band-aids and office supplies).
Dear politicians, pick one of these things, tell me you’ll make it happen, and you have my vote.
Thanks for reading this far.
-jd
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Content
Tangle - Not to end on a legitimate political point, but this daily newsletter has been an excellent resource for me this year.
Only Murders in the Building - Sometimes I love this show and sometimes I hate it. There are no “ok” episodes. Every single one is either excellent or dull…which keeps me watching.
Acquired: Hermes - I have made it far enough into this podcast to unequivocally recommend it but not far enough to write about why I love it. Soon though.
Camera Roll
Few things get me as fired up as a great sunrise/sunset. I can’t explain why.
Question
What’s something you wish you could add to your party’s political platform? You can answer that as seriously or as non-seriously as you’d like. For example, I feel strongly about parking boots after having my car towed recently, but also few things would dramatically increase the quality of my life as much as the eradication of mosquitos.
Also, if you’ve made it all the way down here, consider forwarding this email to your smartest and funniest friends. But if you have one person in your friend group who is both the smartest and funniest friend, do not forward this to them. They already have enough.